Moooove Over, Blogger

I just discovered that wordpress.com is vastly superior to blogger.  So, Breakfast in the Loggia is moving!  Here is the new address:

breakfastintheloggia.wordpress.com

Also, a friend of mine and I have started a blog on potato-based cuisine around New Orleans.  Check it out here:

potatoesagogo.wordpress.com

And Then, Suddenly, it Was 4 Hours Later

Today began with august plans.  I woke up early to get some work done, but ended up taking a lot of Advil, keeping the lights low, and watching four episodes of The Golden Girls from my DVR.  No matter.  I made it to class, then got some lunch in the student center and goofed off on the internet for a while.

Eventually, I was walking to the library when I decided to just pop home and grab a sweatshirt.  After all, the reading room is often a bit cold, and I chill so easily.  

The next thing I knew, it was four hours later and I was chowing down on a salami pizza, knocking back a Turbo Dog, and watching Oprah.

I'm not quite sure how these things happen.  Well, I have a feeling it might have something to do with my off-the-charts ADHD.  In all seriousness, I don't know if there is a better way to explain it than, "The next thing I know . . . "  Perhaps to a non-ADD person, that sounds ridiculous.  But, for me, that's really what it is like.  I'm coming home for a sweatshirt one minute, and then, suddenly, it's four hours later.

Super Bowl

Tonight was the Super Bowl.  The Steelers won!!!  Yes!  

It was nail-biter at the very end.  Really, it was perfect.  The team I was rooting for won, but I still got a taste of what makes sports so great -- the agony and the ecstasy.  Will they go into overtime?!  Will they manage to score another touchdown in the limited time left?!  Will the other team have a miracle play at the last minute?!

So far as my memory reaches back, I have hosted an annual Super Bowl party.  Alas, my current apartment is such that parties are impossible to host.  Therefore, this year I attended a swank affair at The 700 Club, a gay club in the French Quarter.  Well, "swank affair" is a little strong, but the place was stuffed with gay law students, there was unlimited shrimp for $5, and a good time was had by all (or, at least, most).  

All in all, an excellent evening!

"A Hope Which Will Not Let Us Down"

"[L]ET us exult . . . in our hardships, understanding that hardship develops perseverance, and perseverance develops a tested character, something that gives us . . . a hope which will not let us down. . . . " - Romans 5:3-5:6

*(I took the photo at Seawall, Mt. Desert Island, ME, July 2008.)

Paul said a lot of dumb stuff, and a lot of it's in Romans (like 14:2 and 1:26-1:27). Still, he also had some shining moments, and Romans 5:3-5:6 is definitely one of them.

It is often tempting to hide from difficulty or pain. Some people drink, some people bury themselves in work, and so on.

Better to face it head on, though. As Paul notes, by refusing to demure from hardship, we develop the ability to function under fire. Eventually, as we become more used to forging on despite difficulty, our hardships become less scary. "I've faced this before," you say, or "I've faced worse before," or maybe even, "It's never been this bad, but I have done hard things before in my life and this will be no different." As our bad fortune or suffering becomes less daunting, our ability to deal with it improves, and our instinct to run from it diminishes.

Through all this, we arrive, as Paul describes, at "a hope which will not let us down." This hope is, essentially, the absolute knowledge that we can survive what is in front of us.

This is a good time to pompously quote Camus: "In the depth of winter I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer."

In the final part of the passage, which I did not quote, Paul goes on to say that this incredible hope -- this invincible summer -- is the result of the Holy Spirit pouring love into our hearts.

I don't buy that.

I think we are the source of our own incredible, unshakable, invincible hope. I think that is why it is so strong within our hearts, because it comes from our hearts. To now pompously quote Emerson: "Nothing can bring you peace but yourself."

The ever-reliable hope described by Paul is the ultimate peace, and as Emerson noted, that can only come from oneself. That is why the perseverance born of hardship leads to the tested character, which delivers enduring hope.

Here we arrive at the ultimate meaning of the passage: only by tackling our difficulties head-on, can we achieve true peace within ourselves.

Sometime during our sophomore year in college, my friend Nikki highlighted the passage in my New Jerusalem Bible. It was certainly a year of hardships for each of us, and also (because of September 11) for the nation. We often stayed up all night, sitting in my dorm room. Sometimes, during those nights, we read and discussed the Bible. Romans 5:3-5:6 was her favorite bit. Over the years, it has become mine.

Nikki faced the difficulties in her life with a brave spirit. The last time I spoke to her, less than two weeks before her death in late 2002, she told me that she was finally beginning to find some peace within herself.

"Rest in Peace" is an enduring cliché. Personally, I'd rather live in peace. Romans 5:3-5:6 tells me how.

I Am Just a Dog, Waitin' at the Kitchen Door of Love

I realize that I missed posting last night, so to make up for it, I will double post today. As my first post of Saturday, please see above my rendition of Amy Ray's "Rodeo," which captures some of my life's current themes in a delightfully melodramatic way.

Having enjoyed a lovely brunch at the Freret Cafe, I am off to study intensively at the library. More later.

Growing Up

I hate being blown off -- if you're thinking something, tell me, don't hide. After all, what am I going to do? I'm a pleasant person, understanding and even-tempered. I can take it, even if it hurts.

When people decline to be honest, either by lying or through omission, it really drives me insane. I thought part of being an adult was facing things head on. Yet, it almost seems like the opposite. As I get older, it seems I am increasingly immersed in the purposeful obscurity of others.

Children are good at bring upfront and honest. Sometimes too good at it. So, you would think that as people matured from children into adults, they would simply learn how to tell the truth with tact, grace and dignity. Instead, it seems to me that, with unnerving frequency, people mature into timidity.

Lately, I have felt a spiritual shift within myself that I think can only be described as "maturing." This has, in a lot of ways, meant having to be brave. I have had to do hard things over the years, and recently, finally, doing hard things has become much easier. This is the mark of my adulthood. I think it is too bad that others don't automatically afford themselves the same opportunity.

Do something hard. Do something brave. Own up to your truth. That's what I say.

Waiting for Love

"WE possess nothing in this world other than the power to say 'I.' This is what we must yield up to God." - Simone Weil

Lately, I have been thinking a lot about Simone Weil. I'm not sure why. I never particularly liked her.

I read Waiting for God when I was 18, and it made my head explode. I still reject the idea that starving yourself to death can ever be what God wants (as if there are things that God wants, if God even exists). Perhaps it is better to speak more abstractly and say that I doubt, in a broader sense, if it can ever a good idea.

But, even at the time I read Waiting for God, I was intrigued by the idea of spiritually emptying oneself in order to become a vessel for God. This continues to hold my attention, though I believe our innate fallibility makes it impossible. Yet, unattainable goals are my favorite kind of goals, and so it stays with me.

Now, I don't know about all this. I'm not saying I agree with it or buy into it. Still, I can say I have thoughts along the same lines.

At this point in my life, I can only understand "God" to mean "Love." Can I open myself up entirely to Love? Can I dedicate my every thought and action to Love? Can I come to live a life that is, itself, Love?

No, I can't. At least, I don't think I can. Because, as I mentioned before, that whole fallibility thing gets in the way, and last time I checked I was human. But that doesn't mean it isn't worth it to try.

A few weeks ago, I saw the film Milk, and it prompted me to refocus my attention on Love -- expressing it, internalizing it, cultivating it in others, engaging it, believing in it.

This all goes hand in hand with my outrageously heretical belief that there is no ethereal Heaven hovering over reality. Instead, I think it's more something that can be attained by humanity, here on earth. If everyone on earth allowed themselves to be filled with Love, then that would be Heaven. I mean, it would be kind of awesome, I think.

I guess I sound like a hippie (cue the sweeping violins for "Imagine"), but I really believe all this. So, in that sense, I agree with Simone Weil. But I have to take issue with the idea that starving herself to death somehow brought Love into the world. I still reject that, and she still drives me insane.

As such, I close with T.S. Eliot's thoughts on Weil:

"In trying to understand her, we must not be distracted . . . by considering how far, and at what points we agree or disagree. . . . I cannot conceive of anybody's agreeing with all of her views, or of not disagreeing violently with some of them. But agreement and rejection are secondary: what matters is to make contact with a great soul."

Rite of Spring Semester: My First Law School All-Nighter

That's right, the experiment was a bust. Around midnight, I gave up on my Motion to Dismiss "writing itself," and actually did it myself. As you see from the title of this post, I was up all night. My first law school all-nighter, and hopefully my last. (Please note the cozy workspace I set up for myself.)

What happened to the law school experience I thought I was signing up for? The one that didn't involve homework or papers?

In college, I seemed to end up pulling all-nighters with some frequency. Now, that seems like an eternity ago. I can't do this stuff like I used to... not because I physically reacted in some worse way than when I was younger, but because now I know how lovely life can be when you get 8 hours of sleep every night.

(one more introductory thing)

I am going to try and update this thing every day. I am also going to try to make it relatively interesting. Moreso than it has proved so far.

Final note: I have also started a blog of recipes I enjoy. You can check that out at http://cookingwithmuffin.blogspot.com/

Introduction to the Opposite, or The Experiment

I have attempted to blog before, to mixed levels of success, but not recently.

So, here's a new attempt.  The concept: my life and the world I live it in, presented in an amusing and conversational tone.  The sort of amusing and conversational tone one imagines when one views John Singer Sargent's "Breakfast in the Loggia," on display at the Smithsonian's Freer Gallery, in Washington, DC.

Who am I?  Apt descriptions abound!  The best at this moment is "procrastinating law student."

Tonight, I am conducting an experiment: How many hours do I have to sit in front of my computer, with my books and papers spread around me, before my "motion to dismiss" assignment (due tomorrow) will write itself?  

We are, at this moment, hovering around the 5 hour mark, but no action as of yet.  (Humming "The Sorcerer's Apprentice" hasn't done a damn bit of good, so don't bother suggesting it.)

I will report my findings here on the blog when all the data are in.